I wanted to cry too..

Today Nathan got his first set of immunizations. He did not like them..He cried, and cried and nearly puked. He choked and gasped and cried some more. His little face went deep red his bottom lip went out in a very unhappy pout. And 10 minutes later he was fast asleep. I must admit I had a hard time holding back the tears too.. It sucks seeing your child in pain. I wish I could take his place for it all, the immunizations, open heart surgery, whatever scrapes and bruises he will no doubt get as he grows.

Today is one of those days I hate the hand I've been dealt. I watched in horror has my sons arms turned a deep purple while straining to fill his diaper. I'm sure I stopped breathing. He didn't cry, it didn't faze him. It did shake me up tremendously. How am I going to keep it together when he goes in for surgery? It freaked me out to see his little chubby arms turn different shades from the elbow down. I was so close to bawling at him getting an immunization. How in the world will I stay strong enough to hand him over to the surgeon? How will I not lose it completely when I see him all hooked up to different machines, wires all over and a large scar going down his precious little chest. Okay I know I have to take it day by day. This is my mantra I repeat often to myself. I will find the strength within has I need it. God, I hope so..Well taking day by day, today really sucked.

Nathan's cardiology appointment got bumped up to tomorrow. He is starting to eat and wet his diaper less. He is sweating more and his skin is a bit on the mottled side (mottled meaning a bit splotchy looking). These issues had the cardiologist concerned enough to bump up his appointment. And well now that he turned purple I am glad that he gets seen tomorrow. I do dread the echo. I hope it's not too tough on the little guy. It will be a challenge to keep him still enough to get the tests done. And he will get blood work done also, so another bout of crying will no doubt be in store. I think I will bring tissues for me..I think it will be a long day. I am just happy that my other kids will be busy and i will not have to entertain them on top of it all.

So wish me luck for tomorrow, and throw in a quick prayer for Nathan to stay strong!